Akatsuki Chaos
by Yuniz
Summary: Leader comes back from his vacation to find his subordinates doing...things. Oneshot. CRACK.


Leader stood, dumbstruck at the living horror playing in front of him. How a single week of vacation could lead to this chaos, he would never know.

"SILENCE!!" he bellowed, throwing his arms up.

At that exact moment, Zetsu stopped arguing with himself and Tobi abruptly skidded to a stop. Sasori poked his head up from behind the couch, Hidan looked up from his cursing at Kakuzu, and Deidara looked forlornly at the small clay birds in his hands.

The angry leader made Tobi his first victim. "W-why are you streaking??!?!" he sputtered.

Tobi adjusted his mask in a rather aloof manner. "It's fun,"

Leader had the involuntary urge to kill Tobi, but suppressed it. "Just get your clothes on," He stalked over to Sasori and upon seeing what he was doing, screamed. "YOU - YOU - YOU PERV!!"

Sasori grinned sheepishly. "Hey, I have needs." He turned back to his puppet and continued to hump it like there was no tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Hidan had resumed his shouting at a cowering Kakuzu. "YOU EVIL MOTHERFUCKER, I'M GONNA SHOVE YOUR FUCKING SHIT BACK UP YOUR FUCKING ASS AND I'M GONNA FUCK YOU TILL YOU CAN'T EVEN SIT ON YOUR FUCKING ASS, AND WON'T THAT BE FUN, YOU EVIL SHIT FUCKING ASS SPELUNKING COCK PUSSY-"

Leader ran over to them. "Hidan, you and Kakuzu must work together, not bitch at each other!"

"But he pushed me," Hidan answered in a very whiny voice. Pain raised an eyebrow. Hidan sighed and continued. "And, he didn't apologize,"

"Well, excuse me, but I am not your slave boy," Kakuzu said angrily.

"That's what you think," Hidan glared at his partner.

Seeing what was to happen, Leader jumped in between the two as to prevent a fight. "Hidan, cussing people out does nothing good. At least try to talk about it like civilized people," He explained in a motherly tone. "And don't even think about it!" He switched his target to Deidara, who had silently released his clay birds into the air and was beginning to channel his chakra into them.

"My art is very important to me, un," Deidara sulked, dropping his arms to his sides. The clay birds flew into a wall and broke.

"Well, too bad, you cannot blow up our secret headquarters with your so called 'art'. Take a look at Sasori - at least his 'art' is more controlled," Leader tried to talk some sense into Deidara. However, the blonde happened to be very stubborn.

"Pshaw, Sasori's a pussy, un. Art is an explosion!" Deidara shouted.

Leader looked at Deidara's hands. "Why aren't you wearing your nail polish?"

"Well Leader-sama, the whole emo look wasn't going for me, un," Deidara answered. He retucked his long blonde bangs behind his ear. "Red and black is so last year. I think we should go with the sexy nerd look, un. Argyle socks, plaid cloaks, thick glasses, and pocket protectors, the whole shebang. Look, I've got it all planned out here, un," Deidara pulled out a sheet of paper from underneath his cloak and waved it in front of Leader.

In an instant, the blonde was bitch-slapped by an angry Leader. "You dumbass! Our clothes are fine just the way they are!" Deciding that the situation was hopeless, Leader headed over to Zetsu, who was sitting on a beat up couch. "What are you up to?"

"I can't decide whether I should kill Deidara in his sleep or when he's brushing his teeth," Zetzu's white side said quietly, shooting anxious glances over at the art obsessed blonde. He fiddled with his fingers. "WE MUST KILL~" growled black Zetzu.

"Why do you want to kill Deidara?" Pain asked, fearing the answer he would receive.

"Hmm...I really don't know," White Zetzu mused.

"BECAUSE I CAN~" replied his evil counterpart.

"Goddamn!" Leader groaned. "Look here, you dumbasses! You are all going to clean up this place and make me a sandwich-" He stopped suddenly, looking around. "Kisame-where's Kisame? And Itachi, where's he? And where's Konan? She better be here," He continued to scan the room, but they were nowhere to be found.

"Leader-sama?" Tobi slowly said, his voice quivering. "Kisame-san, Itachi-san, and Konan-san went over in there..." His arm lifted up to point at a door.

Leader's eyes bulged out of his head. "WHAT???!?!?! MY PRIVATE LOUNGE??!?!?!" Fearing for his priceless stash of snacks and "art" magazines, he quickly evaluated the current situation and came to the conclusion that he would have to trust Tobi the Untrustable. "Wait here, all of you," In hysterics, he ran to the door and yanked it open.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

*thump*

Konan got off the bed and scrutinzed the pale body of Leader while trying to pull her lingerie back on at the same time. "Huh. He had a heart attack,"

Kisame and Itachi joined her. The two men were stark naked. "He was too shocked," Itachi inferred.

"Is it really that..." Kisame began.

"Nah," Itachi brushed off the matter.

The other Akatsuki members had already began to come in the room. They clamored around the still body of their leader.

"What do we do now?" Tobi wondered, sounding very much like a retard.

They all exchanged knowing glances. With that, the Akatsuki resumed their wonderfully pointless, retarded, and risque activities.

* * *

AN:Reviews please! :3


End file.
